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DEC 7, 2007

Writers Time Waster

A Writers Day

I may or may not be the average example of the normal writer, but I find that most of my literary companions keep the same general schedule as I do.

6:00 Get up and get the kids on the bus

7:30  Go back to Bed

8:30 Look at the alarm clock, slap the crap of it and go back to sleep

9:00 Crawl grumbling out of the bed and take a shower

9:20 Drink my first five cups of coffee while I wait for the worlds slowest computer to boot up.

9:30 Check my email

9:35 Look at the jobs I have to do for the day

9:36 Check my email

9:45 Get the last cup out of my first pot of coffee and check to see how many hits my sites had.

10:00 Check my email (Okay, to save time let's just automatically assume that my email gets checked every ten to fifteen minutes.)

10:30 Start on my first article of the day and set the same goal that I set every day, fifteen articles per day.

11:00 FInish article one, move to article two, get it set up to start and fix yet another in an endless line of cups of coffee. Again, we can assume one cup every fifteen to thirty minutes to save time. However, I never go beyond three pots per day.

12:00 Begin to my fourth article, stopping only to be interrupted by the phone. Sigh. Yet again, go ahead and place a telemarketer or relative call at every fifteen to thirty minutes.

12:30 Start pulling the first hairs from my head out of aggravation as the dog wants to go for a walk and a cat is sitting on my head. It is important to remember that I am a 20 year veteran writer, so I don't have that much hair to spare.

TIME TRAVEL AHEAD

4:00 Kids walk in the door from the bus, and I'm a nervous wreck because I still like 4 articles and on average I can only get in two between cooking, wife, phone kids fighting, kids playing, critters, and the occasional good natured visitor.

10:00 I'm tired, everyone goes to bed, but not me, no sir. I have to stay up and nock out two more articles that always seem to take about an hour longer than they should

MIDNIGHT: So tired I feel drunk as I email in the last article. Cannot imagine who would have a use for an article on the Malaysian Hissing Cockroach anyway, but now I'm the worlds foremost authority on the ugly little  bastards. I stumble off to the bedroom. Lay down.

1:00 Oops, forgot to turn off the coffeepot. Back up, turn it off, back to bed.

6:00 Get up, get the kids on the bus...........God, I love being a writer!

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DEC 7, 2007

Writers Time Waster

Things that Really Piss me Off

Oh, you cannot possibly imagine the things that get on my nerves, unless you are a professional writer yourself. So, to waste a bit of your precious and valuable time, and  mine, let's share a bit, shall we?

1) Writers on GetAFreelancer.com.

deer sirr. i beeleeve that i am vary koalified four this job. please sea pm. 

2) Writer seeking companies that do not know the value of a good writer.

Writer Wanted - 20 articles Per Day. Pay is very generous. (.0025 cents per 10 words.)

3) Those who promise but do not deliver, also known as thieves.

Ah, yes, about your pay Mr. Graham, the writing wasn't exactly what we were seeking, so we're going to have to NOT pay you this time around. However, the article is ours now so you can't use it elsewhere. Oh, and you can try again if you would like.

(TRANSLATION: We tricked you into writing for free and we're going to use your article anyway. Also, we're going to see if your dumb enough to do it all again so we might get two free articles!)

4) Paying businesses that ask for the "quick favor" once per week.

Hey Jess, can you do me a quick favor and proofread this 60 page e-book and make any changes? I sure would appreciate it. If it goes over well, I might be able to pay you for it later on down the road. (YEAH RIGHT!)

5) The ever-popular internship job ads.

Writer Wanted - we need this, that and the other thing. In return, we offer you an internship with us. This will all look great on a resume' and we will charge you nothing! No hidden Fees! (How generous of you.)

What pisses you guys off? Feel free to email me at jlgraham68@comcast.net and i'll post your replies here. (And I'll charge you nothing! No hidden fees!)

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DEC 6, 2007

A New Twist to an Already Twisted Muse

Hello writers! My name is Jess and, as some of you know, I have been the administrator for the Muse site for some time now, as well as a couple of other high profile writers jobs sites. Some of you may know me as "The Muse", while others may simply refer to me as "That Jackass that keeps emailing me." To be honest, it is almost impossible to keep original jobs posted on three sites at once, so this one, Chasing the Muse, kind of ended up on the back burner. This is sad as this site was the parent site for the others. So, with that said, the Muse is being resurrected today, with a slightly different purpose.

Now, the Muse is a site where writers can come, get a new laugh every day and just basically waste a little time. We are very good at wasting time. Might as well waste it here. So, without further ado, we proudly present your initial waste of time, with further time wasters to come every day hereafter.

WRITERS TIME WASTER

DEC 6, 2007

Top 2 Most Aggrevating Distractions for Writers

1) The telephone. Gotta love those random calls from strange organizations.

     " Yes, I do understand the importance of saving the Mongolian Hissing Cockroach from extinction, but........"

2) Kids. Yes, they are precious, or so we think. If we actually knew that they are in their rooms on walkie talkies....

     Son: Purple Elephant to Gothic Razor, come in Gothic Razor.

     Daughter: I read you Purple Elephant. Go ahead.

     Son: I have the target in sight. He is on the computer. I repeat, he is on the computer.

     Daughter: Code Red, Purple Elephant! Code Red! I'm Going in! Cover me!

     Son: 10-4 Razor. I got your back.

     Daughter: Daddy! Daddy! I want to go to Ambers House. Daddy! I'm   Hungry! Daddy! Let me tell you about this guy I met at school. Daddy! Daddy!

     Daddy: GRRRRR Forget it, I give up. I'll write later.

     Daughter: Purple Elephant, the target is down. I repeat, the target is down.

     Son: Good Job Razor. Another successful hit. Resume your watch.

That's your three minute break writers, now get back to work. Cya tomorrow. If you don't have a job, go to Muse Masters(<----- Click there you idiot) and get one!

Jess

Tuesday Nov 20, 2007

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